Kirsti Noem Orders ICE To Paint Fake Tunnel On Border Wall

In a desert stretch where the steel border wall cuts across the sand, Kirsti Noem unveiled her “innovative” strategy to outsmart would-be crossers. Flanked by cartoonish ICE agents in oversized blue vests, she dramatically pointed at the blank expanse of wall.

“Paint a tunnel,” she commanded. “Make it look real. We’ll trick them into running straight into it.”

Buckets of paint sloshed, brushes swept, and within hours the agents had crafted a perfect black oval that shimmered under the sun — the kind of tunnel only ACME could deliver.

The plan seemed flawless, until a roadrunner zipped by, dashed straight through the tunnel, and disappeared in a cloud of dust. The ICE agents stared in disbelief. Noem blinked twice, muttered, “That wasn’t in the manual,” and quietly asked if anyone knew how to file a work order for “reality repairs.”