New Poll Posted By Trump Shows He Has A 117% Approval Rating

Mar-a-Lago, FL — In a stunning revelation that has statisticians in a fetal position and calculators spontaneously combusting, former President Donald J. Trump released a new poll on Monday showing he has an approval rating of 117%, shattering both political norms and the laws of mathematics. “Frankly, people love me so much, they’re approving me more than once,” Trump said during an impromptu press conference held in a golf cart. “Some say it’s impossible. I say it’s very possible. We’re bringing approval back. Bigger. Better. Stronger. Excessively.”

The poll, conducted exclusively by Trump Polling & Steakhouse™, surveyed an undisclosed number of people at a Mar-a-Lago brunch buffet and a Florida swap meet. When asked if they approved of Trump, 117% of respondents reportedly said, “Yes,” including several parrots, a confused German tourist, and a cardboard cutout of Melania.

“Approval Overload,” Experts Warn Leading political analysts were left bewildered. “It’s like if you ask 100 people a yes-or-no question and 117 say yes,” said Dr. Linda Factsmith, a polling expert at Stanford. “I don’t know if we should be concerned or deeply impressed. Possibly both.” Mathematics issued a formal complaint, citing emotional distress.

Rival Reactions:

President Joe Biden responded to the news with a puzzled look and a 13-minute story about a train conductor named “Cornbread Charlie.” Meanwhile, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis released his own poll showing he had a 12% approval rating, which he insisted was “actually way cooler because it’s a prime number.”

Trump Suggests New Polling Standards:

Flushed with success, Trump proposed a new official approval scale ranging from “Sleepy Joe” to “Trump Plus.” He also unveiled a new slogan: “Make Numbers Great Again.” When asked how the poll could exceed 100%, Trump clarified: “Look, nobody understands percentages like I do. Most people stop at 100. That’s low-energy thinking. We’re going beyond math. Some say it’s divine approval. I don’t disagree.” At press time, Trump announced he was releasing a follow-up poll next week that may show him at 142%, “depending on how many mirrors are in the room.”