President Orders NASA Employees to Return to Office — on the Moon

Washington, D.C. — In a move that has baffled government workers and delighted conspiracy theorists, President Donald J. Trump signed an executive order Tuesday requiring all NASA employees to “return to office” — with the official office being a newly designated headquarters on the Moon.

The directive, which takes effect January 2026, mandates that more than 17,000 NASA civil servants report to lunar duty stations “no later than 9:00 a.m. Eastern Moon Time,” though experts admit such a timezone does not yet exist.

“Remote work has gone too far,” the President said during a press conference. “If NASA is going to shoot for the stars, they need to start clocking in from them. The Moon is only 238,900 miles away — basically a perfect and beautiful commute.”

NASA Administrator Sean Duffy appeared visibly stunned by the announcement but offered a diplomatic response. “We will begin evaluating shuttle schedules, lunar housing assignments, and cafeteria operations immediately,” Duffy said. “However, I would like to remind the President that we do not currently have 17,000 spacesuits.”

Union leaders for federal employees condemned the order, citing astronomical commuting costs, extreme workplace conditions, and “a complete lack of parking on the lunar surface.”

Still, some employees seemed intrigued. “Honestly, the D.C. traffic is worse than zero gravity,” said one NASA engineer. “If my cubicle is next to the Sea of Tranquility, I’ll take it.”

Congress has yet to weigh in on the legality of mandating off-planet office space, but insiders predict debates could get heated. As one senator put it: “We’re fine with returning to office — but maybe let’s start with Houston before we try the Moon.”